themegaloo: (Default)
So here's the thing.

I cannot stay in this little college town for the rest of my life and actually MAKE something of my life. I've known this for a while, like, since I moved here, but I've been trying to avoid the fact because there are people here (outside of my parents) who I have come to care for (in a non-sexual way) and don't want to leave.

But at the same time, I have to leave, I was always going to leave, and I've stayed far longer than I should have or ever planned to. The school here is all well and good but it literally has nothing for me, and I hate that. This is not where I'm meant to be, and I feel horribly about that, but I have to get out of here, as much as I love the people.

Oh my god, it's actually not my usual need to run. It really isn't. I just can't stay.

Within the next six months I am hoping to move to NEW YORK. When i applied to TCD, I had two back-up plans. One, to apply for a job & work on a cruise ship. That was always a temporary plan and something I could still return to, but I've gotten to where I like having roots & a stable residence, even if it is with my parents. The other option was to go to culinary school and become a pastry chef. Within the next six months, I plan to pursue that second option. NYC is my first choice of places to be for that, though I'm going to put myself further into debt with the government in order to pull it off.

I've gone through several idea of "what I want to do with my life" in the past year and a half, but most of them have been fleeting (one lasted a little longer until I was rejected and in the end determined that it had been for the best). However, the more I think about making this move, the more I want to pursue it. I have dreams to live, and I want to live them for once instead of just dreaming them.

I can't live the rest of my life waiting for the rest of my life to start. So I'm going to stop, and I'm going to make it happen. People need two major thing in life: food for the soul and food for the stomach. I'm going to stop living in a fantasy land where food for the soul can feed my stomach and make delicious things. There's little in life I find as fulfilling as watching someone eat something I've made and be FORCED to smile outside of my own reading. So that, in the end, is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to make people smile. Not a bad life plan, don't you think?


Feb. 21st, 2011 08:37 pm
themegaloo: (DW- Amy- Thinking deep thoughts)
So, [ profile] ninepointfivemm is evil for giving me the Costuming Bug, and I've been buying things piece by piece for the past little while, but with all the costumes I WANT TO DO, it's going to take a while. So, this is mostly a mental list for me of what I still need.

themegaloo: (Default)
So for the first time in my life, I'm filing taxes. Yeah, I know, I'm a bit late to the party. But, point of the matter is that Dad is helping me and odds are I should be getting a decent amount back! EXCITEMENT. So, in the hopes that when I do this I am the opposite of broke for however short a time frame as it may last, these are the things which I need to acquire.

• A new laptop.
• Those gorgeous Doc Marten Triumphs.
• Other assorted boots & costume bits & bobs as I continue to obsess over Amy Pond.
• Star Fleet Cadet uniform maybe?? Really do want to do that costume.
• Doctor Who S5 on DVD.

Could I BE any more ridiculous? I only even do one con & ALL THIS EFFORT.
themegaloo: (DW- Jack+Rose- Clock dance)
So, it's a well known fact that a- I don't update enough and b- I never see movies in a timely fashion. Okay, that's two facts. I finally saw Toy Story 3 tonight, mom got it on Netflix. Upon announcing to twitter that I was about to watch it, Anez tells me to get BOXES AND FACTORIES OF TISSUES, which I laughed it, because let's face it, it was funny. My dad went and got me a roll of toilet paper AND A TRASH CAN, Jessi agreed with Anez, and my mom is just sitting over on the couch being all knowing and "you WILL cry." I really should have known better.

My reaction, other than sobbing my fucking EYES out, as was apparently anticipated by anyone who had seen it, was to go to my room afterwards, go to my bed, and then proceed to walk around like this:

Actually, I'm still sitting like that, typing this entry. Only less with my face on his head because it's hard to see the screen like that. (except periodically WHEN I HAVE TO HUG HIM)

That, flist, is my oldest and most treasured toy from childhood. His name is Grandpa Bear and he has a story. Probably more importantly, he still lives on my bed, though many other stuffed animals have come & gone. (seriously, you cannot even understand how many stuffed animals I have owned, it's sort of scary) From the time that Grandpa Bear came into my possession, he has never lived in a toy box, though he didn't tend to travel overseas with me. I felt bad squishing him into my suitcase because he really wasn't a good size for it at all, I never had enough space. When I was little, I couldn't sleep without him. I still can't sleep without a stuffed animal of SOME kind in my arms, and I think that goes back to Grandpa Bear. I remember one time when he'd been left in the playroom & I couldn't find him crying until I had him in my arms so I could sleep again. I remember accidentally leaving him at home on a trip once and being bereft all night, unable to sleep. I love this teddy bear. So after that movie? Yeah, I had to go grab him (no finding required!) and hug him tightly.

This is Grandpa Bear's story:
His name is because of his origins. I never met my great-grandfather, he died when I was very young. He was in the hospital just after I was born and had seen a teddy bear in a store and he told my great-grandmother that he liked it. She bought it for him, but, as the story goes, he told her that he didn't have a use for a bear and to give it to me. Now, my family didn't live very close to them at all, and the first time I actually went up there to see my great-grandmother, he was long gone. She had this fantastic basement with a laundry hamper of old toys and I had the time of my life playing with them. I don't really know how old I was, maybe 3 or 4 (I know my youngest sister wasn't born yet, and I don't remember if the middle sister was or not, if so, she was an infant) but I still have vague memories of that visit. Most of this, however, is the story as my parents have told it to me.

I found Grandpa Bear among the other toys, my great-grandmother hadn't been able to bring herself to mail him to me, she'd kept him. But from the first day I found him, I adored him. I was devastated to have leave him behind in the way that all small children are when they're losing their new favorite toy, but it didn't last for long. She told me that "he was always meant to be yours" and I had a stuffed friend for life. He went home with me, but I made sure to bring him back again the next time we visited, so that she could say hello. (I'm pretty sure I had him write a letter too, but that could just be my overactive imagination.)

We've had some adventures, me and Grandpa Bear. And we're still going to have a lot more. And even if he doesn't go EVERYWHERE with me anymore, he'll always be at whatever place I'm calling home. Because if my teddy bear is not there? It's not really home.
themegaloo: (WC- Neal+Peter- Me &My Shadow)
This is just to say that I currently cannot even deal with the awesome that is White Collar right now. To the point that I can't actually watch some of the teaser stuff because I CAN'T SPOIL MYSELF, IT'S TOO EPIC.

themegaloo: (Prufrock- Indecisions)
Paradelle* for Rebirth

Break the walls down piece by piece
Break the walls down piece by piece.
Unbend nails and remove the boards
Unbend nails and remove the boards.
Nails break walls and piece the boards
By the down, unbend. Piece remove.

Barriers of the heart are made of stone
Barriers of the heart are made of stone,
People are the nails, piercing through
People are the nails, piercing through.
The people are made barriers of nails through the
Stone of the heart are piercing.

Deconstruct it all to atoms and molecules
Deconstruct it all to atoms and molecules
To create a new heart, breathing and open
To create a new heart, breathing and open.
Atoms to deconstruct molecules open a heart and
To create it all new and breathing.

A heart of stone and molecules of nails
Break the people through nails and boards.
Piece open the walls, unbend new piercing barriers.
Are to deconstruct by piece, breathing it down
And the atoms are made to create all heart.

*A Paradelle is a fictional form of poetry created by Billy Collins to parody the strict forms (Sonnets, etc) which involves reusing the words of previous lines. See here for more information on the "form" and other examples.

This Paradelle was crafted for LJ Idol, season 7.
themegaloo: (DW- Jack+Rose- Clock dance)
Since I haven't done one of these since just post-DCon, here's what's going on!

Actually, I just realized that I never mentioned on here properly that the boy I was with I have not been with since pre-DCon. Oops. If you had no idea, then the rest of this is probably going to make you go "whoa" a bit. If you did you've probably heard half of this already.

The job is still going well, even though I know that it's not what I'm going to do FOREVER, I'm still holding off on looking for anything else until at least after Bridal Christmas. Because I'd be an idiot to pass up on that. The time period from Jan to about April is absolutely insane in the bridal world and since I'm now one of the most experienced consultants going into it, I stand to make a fair amount of money.

Which is good because I'm about to blow a lot of it in the next month as [ profile] ninepointfivemm and I are headed down to Orlando in December. Because I was starting to feel like a really bad HP fan for not having gone to the Wizarding World yet. I've already taken care of hotel and airfare, so the next expenses are going to be the actual TICKETS TO THE PARKS (can't be in Orlando and not see Disney!) and then I still have to not be completely broke so I can live my life in the meantime. It's a pretty fun balancing act. Really. BUT! WIZARDING WORLD! I'm stoked. :D

Which brings me to the amusing Dating Life of Meg. Let's see, we have had...
• An Engineer. Who is terrible about staying in touch & as such I basically gave up on a long time ago.
• A Punk. Who I knew through the ex, so this was always a bad idea.
• A Nigerian Doctor. Who was very fun to talk to, but I also had just about zero chemistry with. Met this one on OKC, but he's also very busy doctoring, so that's just sort of...fizzled out pretty easily.
• A Fireman, who is currently my neighbor and changed my tire once before asking me out. He's a nice guy, decent enough chemistry, but just does not hold my interest and seems to think calling me to wake me up and do things on my day off is completely ok. Warning: Waking me up and expecting me to say "yes, of course I want to hang out with you right this minute" is idiotic. I am asleep. It's not happening.
• A Student. Who's kinda sneak-attacked me with awesomeness in the past few days. I like this one.

I'd say that's a pretty good list for uh, two months. Considering the fact that I've outright ignored a lot of messages on OKC, the list could be much longer. I was going to tell a fun OKC story, but I think I'll save it for later.

This has been your Random Update On My Life, which is likely not that interesting to anyone who is Not Me, but I put forward just in case it is. ♥ to you all!

Now back to my regularly scheduled bout of ST fanfic and random lollygagging about on the internet as I think of the best way to fulfill the next LJ Idol prompt. Fun times!
themegaloo: (DW- Amy- Thinking deep thoughts)
Once upon a time when I was young and innocent and watching as all the black caps flew into chaos at my high school graduation, I thought to myself: "This is it. This is when my life really begins."

Two years later and most of the excitement of college had faded, I no longer obsessively bought supplies for my classes and organized my notes and binders into anything I could easily access. Two years after we both left home and went to college I was back at home with my boyfriend for the weekend. Three and a half years in and things weren't going well, but I'd put so much time and effort into being with him that I didn't know how to stop. On Friday he was looking at engagement rings. On Sunday we were over. This was not the rest of my life, and I wasn't going to let anyone choose for me anymore. I decided then and there (after some angry tears, large amounts of chocolate and an embarrassing wipe-out of a fall at Walmart) that this was it, this was when my life was going to start.

A college town in the summer in a largely abandoned dorm (one of the few other inhabitants being aforementioned ex) is, in short, not the best place to kick start your brand new life. For months, all my networking fell flat, I still only had a handful of friends and my roommate had been dating my ex's roommate for longer than even he and I had known each other. But I still kept that drive, that decision that this freedom was when my life was going to start, I was not going to let anything keep me down, I was going to meet people and go places and learn to be outgoing and fun. I was going to pick my world up from the ruins it had become and goddamnit, I was going to enjoy it.

Eventually, it worked. My last year of college was one of the best times of my life. I had friends, I had people who cared about me, I was doing well, I had a plan. I had my moments where things didn't work how I wanted them too, but they worked out better for my initial failures. I missed all the deadlines for the American universities I was interested in but I managed to apply to one European one, I got in. I was over the moon. This was it, this was definitely it, this was when life really started. With moving, by myself, to Ireland.

My plan didn't work out. Sure, I went to Ireland, I got my degree, it was another amazing time in my life because all my hard work had paid off, I really had become fun, outgoing and interesting to be around. I knew everyone, they knew me, I loved every second of the social aspect of my decision. The academic? Well, parts I loved, parts I found mind-numbing. And in the end, I didn't have the drive to get over the mind-numbing because it was numbing all the passion I had once had for my plan. This was clearly not where my life was starting.

I came home. I wrote my dissertation. I tried dating again. I got a job. I applied to another degree and was working my way into excitement again, all read for my life to start, finally, because it was time, damnit, it was time for it to be my time.

It wasn't.

Life, I've found, is nothing but a constant series of winding myself up, hoping for the best, and eventually watching it drift away. It's grabbing that wind-up key and pushing with all your might to keep trying and keep riding the roller coaster that is life with all its ups and downs, being the little wind-up toy marching along and hoping he's not about to fall off a desk.

But no one gets anywhere without marching forward and sometimes in the brief instant before you crash on the floor, you fly.
themegaloo: (DW- Eleven- Bowties are cool.)
There's something inherently awkward about Introduction Posts. Perhaps it's reminiscent of sitting around a circle in grade school, struggling to come up with something brief, memorable, and interesting about yourself for your classmates to remember you by. Or maybe it's because we're all so much more complex than a simple, or even convoluted, explanation can possibly convey.

Out in the world, no one gets the facts about you right up front. Maybe you're at work, you introduce yourself to a customer and while the inevitable discussion of wedding dresses commences, you start to get a feel for each other and the little details get slipped into conversation. But then, these aren't people you really need to know you inside and out, and yet it helps to be memorable. But then again, maybe you're out a bar and someone buys you a drink, and maybe at the end of the night when all you know about the other is their taste in beer and ability to sing when intoxicated, you find a little karaoke sign-up-slip with a name and phone number. Or maybe you just meet. On the street, at the store, over a flat tire. We're coming up on 7 billion people on this rock rotating around the sun and permanent solitude is less and less feasible every day. You can be alone in a crowd, but it's hard to be truly alone.

There are innumerable ways to make someone's acquaintance, and that first spark, that first bit of interest, that's what I love most in the world. Maybe, even if just for the moment I'm standing still, the world around me never is. And that's sort of the gorgeous thing about it.

But as you can't size me up, look me in the eye and try to figure out what makes me tick from the other side of a computer screen, here are a few tips:

• My name is Megan, I go by Meg on the internet because no one wants to type those last two letters. I'm 24 years of age, I have two degrees in literature. I'm currently a wedding consultant at a bridal store and I enjoy it, even if it doesn't pay me quite as well as I'd like during the slow season. I live with my parents and we're about to move from a condo to a real house in the next month.
• I'm short and "tossable," I have hair that I dye dark red, my default facial expression is a little grin. I'm pretty happy and comfortable in my own skin.
• The world of internet dating amuses me. I had a boyfriend for a while that I met through it, but in the end, it didn't work out. I'll go one several unique dates in one week just to see what makes everyone tick. Usually, those don't work out in the end either because I'm picky. But I still love the excitement of meeting them.
• I love stories. Other worlds, other ways of living, I love experiencing them. I read, I watch a lot of TV shows, I enjoy a good number of movies. And yes, I delve into the fandom side as well. Some of the things I watch/read warm my soul like apple pie and good tea on a cold day warm the body. I do a lot of living in my own mind.
• I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up, and I'm kind of okay with that, mostly. I'd be stupid not to work through the busy season at my current job, but after that I'm going to let the world take me wherever it takes me. Afterall, that's my second favorite thing in the world.

This is my second attempt at LJ Idol, I look forward to the writing and the reading, and maybe I'll even stick my head in on the Green Room from time to time this go 'round.
themegaloo: (DW- Amy- Thinking deep thoughts)
Have you ever noticed that when you don't post for weeks on end, it gets harder and harder to find a reason to?

So hello, LiveJournal. I'm still out here, still kicking, still reading. Actually reading books again, even, which is really, really nice. Still working, but that's a story for another day.

New season of [ profile] therealljidol is getting ready to start up, and I've missed writing like I was missing reading and this year, I'm not in the midst of dissertation madness and panics, I'm employed, and I've settled into the new place to the extent that I'll be sad to leave it in (less than) a month now.

Oh, the stories I have to tell...
themegaloo: (DW- TARDIS- Cardiff)
So as I think we all know, my phone went for a little swim in the Marriott fountain and thus I had to get a new one (RIP, Palm Pre. I will use that insurance on you eventually.)

Prior to it going swimming, my text message alert noise was from Torchwood 201 (BEEP BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP BEEP [....] That...never beeps.) I decided, however, to let that be a thing of the palm. Plus, it was quiet and kinda long for how many messages one can get back to back. Hearing it layer was sorta trippy.

I'm currently using a Blackberry Curve and mostly liking it. The lack of a touch screen still freaks me out, but the keyboard is a bit easier (loathe as I am to admit it). However, EVERYONE AND THEIR BROTHER SEEMS TO HAVE A BLACKBERRY.

I mean, seriously. Have you ever been in a room with multiple people, all with the same message alert tones? ONE PERSON GETS A MESSAGE, EVERYONE GETS EXCITED. IS IT MINE, IS IT MINE?

(This might only be a problem because the two people I am around most in life--my mother and my best friend here in Greenville--both have blackberries.)

POINT IS, it had to change. So I went on the BBC website and download a ton of little noises from them. And then went and found the Doctor Who theme song. These are the noises my phone now makes:

• Ringer: Theme song
• Text: TARDIS
• Email: that gong from the end of every episode of New Who
• BBM: Sonic Screwdriver

There are two results of this. One: When it goes off for the first time around someone, they are ALL COMPLETELY CONFUSED. Two: When it goes off, especially for a text, I am filled with unholy glee.

Seriously. It's like I have a TARDIS in my pocket. How is that NOT awesome?
themegaloo: (WC- Neal+Peter- Me &My Shadow)
ME: Do you ever realize that we are Very Strange?
JESSI: every damn day
ME: Oh good.

That is all.

In other news, we're making paper boats. I think I need a life.
themegaloo: (Default)
1. OH MY GOD SO MUCH FUN, totally a convert to one of those people who goes every year.

2. I swear there were things I did online BDC (Before DragonCon), but all I seem to do now is approve facebook photo tag requests (tag my friends, they tag their friends, their friends see them, they tag their friends, their friends see them... Basically my album is tagged full of people I don't know and the trickle down is sort of awesome? And people I met are finding me this way, which is also fun!!) and stare at the flickr pool.

3. My phone went swimming. Yes, the phone I waxed lyrical about. It went into a fountain. Explaining how/why is hard, so don't ask. BUT it isn't working and I panicked at the idea of not being able to find anyone ever, not checking my twitter & email & FB and not being able to play with I went & got a new one. I thought I could just swap it out for another palm, but it turns out that because I took the battery out to try & dry is and make it work again WITHOUT finding a verizon store, I would have to actually file the claim with insurance, mail it off & get it back. As I was still AT CON, this was not acceptable. So now I have a blackberry. (SHOCK) I sort of like it, but I also sort of miss my palm & it's touchscreen & charging dock. Having to PLUG IN sucks. And I still hear the little noises and ignore them at first before thinking OH SHIT THAT'S MY PHONE.

But, basically, the only phone numbers in there right now are people from DC, my mom, my sister and a few other people who have since given me their number. Most people got the lovely "Phone died, who are you!" response at first, but yeah. FUN TIMES. If you want me to have your number and haven't spoken to me since Saturday or earlier, zap me a text with WHO YOU ARE.

4. Being back in the real world sucks. Trying to find my ground again in a world of weddings where no one knows my geekeries properly. Also, still sleep deprived.


themegaloo: (Default)
So my MOTHER, of all people, pointed out to me that I pretty much never update this anymore. When that happens, I think it's definitely time for an update.

1. I'm doing well at the job still, actually, better than I had been before the past few weeks! I've done 20% of the store's income so far this month, which is a good indicator of excellent paychecks. The last one made me QUITE happy and if I hold the same this week, well. It should be likewise excellent. /CROSSES FINGERS. Work is most of what I do these days, though I do go out a bit and have actually started making FRIENDS around here, finally. So it's a bit more fun. There are still people at my job who sometimes make me want to kill babies, but I think that will always be true. Nuff said on that subject!

2. GO VISIT DALEK CULLEN ON TUMBLR!! He safely made it to [ profile] mythologiced a while back now, and she took him on a tour of her fine city and has posted some of the most hilarious pictures. Do it. Do it now, you won't regret it. I got a tumblr for the purpose of following it but....I don't really know what to do with it. I'm themegaloo there too, if you'd like to, yanno, clue me in on what its purpose is?

3. I AM OFFICIALLY GOING TO DRAGONCON AGAIN THIS YEAR. Missing it last year was well worth it for being in France, but I'm quite pleased to be going back! It was a blast the year before, and I'm going to be a bit better prepared this time (IE, not starving myself, knowing the PIN for my debit card, and not going around almost entirely in partially borrowed costumes!) Though it's a bit more hassle since I no longer live an easy 2 hour drive away. Booked my plane ticket yesterday and will be staying with [ profile] ninepointfivemm. Which brings me to ask- anyone on the flist other than her & [ profile] pacergal84 planning to be there? LET ME KNOWWWW.

4. Have been randomly sucked back into HP fandom. Are there any recent epics out there? You know the sort, world building with a touch of slash (most pairings accepted!) that SUCK YOU IN? I've...been through most of my old favorites already, avoiding the abandoned WiPs because they still make me unaccountably sad.

5. There is no five. Because it's the number of chaos and I like the idea of ending on chaos.
themegaloo: (ST- Spock- The centre cannot hold)
So I really need to update my ICONS more than anything else right now, it feels, but then I might actually feel compelled to post/comment more, and that would be strange.

I've not written a lot lately because...Not a lot has been happening. I'm stagnating just a little bit, going about from day to day and not doing terribly much in the way of Exciting Adventures. I'm still working hard at David's Bridal, and enjoying it for the most part. Going to attempt to hang out with a coworker again tomorrow evening, provided she doesn't FORGET ME AGAIN. (Bad form, D. Very bad form!!)

Things with the boy have been going pretty well, we're actually taking a ROAD TRIP early next week. We're both working on the 4th, so we're driving down to my old stomping grounds in GA the next day, so he can finally meet MY friends. Should be fun! Also, I miss ye olde Borro. Haven't been down in 7 months, which is an absolute travesty.

I recently got hooked on Criminal Minds. My mom had been watching it on TV regularly for months and my dad and I had been making fun of her for it regularly for months. Until I somehow got sucked in and went and decided that this was something I REALLY needed to watch from the beginning. I've now seen all but the very most recent episode because I don't like the idea of not having more waiting for me. This is made possible by the fact that it's on TV all the time so I can get sucked into an ep (or 4) I've already seen.

Let me tell you about CM and why I love it: In great detail, I'm afraid... )

Yeah, so that went on for a while. For my birthday I did get a sony ereader which I love to absolute pieces and while I've mostly just been using it on my lunch breaks (getting through 5 seasons of CM takes some time, okay), I've gotten through almost the first two of the Dresden Files novels, which I've thoroughly been enjoying. I plan to deviate from that next and hit up some classic SciFi (I've got some Asimov on the list). It's great to be able to read for fun again, and also fun to be able to carry a ton of books in a tiny little package.

I think one of the things my intellectual pursuits have made me realize lately, however, is that I really do live more inside my own head than I think most of the rest of the world does. I thrive on stories, on imagination. I think my life would be far the poorer without it, but it might be easier for me to live up to my own expectations.

In my mind, I'm capable of being the main character, but in reality, I feel more like an extra. And I'm not sure what I need to do to break free (other than not work in SALES of all things.......) Nothing feels good or important enough, and I feel like I'm never going to escape the feeling of in-between-ness that I've been fighting for the past 6 years or so. Someday, I hope, my life will actually start. But until then, everything still feels so temporary. But I refuse to stay an extra forever, I just may need a few more degrees to get there.

themegaloo: (Default)
• I joined a new RPG for the first time in....ages. I'm playing Merlin at [ profile] planetrecursion. So far, it's amazingly hilarious.

• A large cockroach fell down the collar of my shirt last night. I stripped on the balcony and ran. Anyone hiding in the woods at 1 am got a show, otherwise? I'm still a bit unsettled about the fact that a roach just fell down my shirt. As has been pointed out, that takes talent. A talent I would rather not have, thank you.

• I applied to a real job. Teaching English at a local private school. We'll see how that goes! But teaching...might really be what I end up doing. I suppose we'll see! Many other things still on the cards, of course.

• I've also realized the strange thing that happened when I didn't get into UNC: I didn't actually run. I saw that there's an airline hiring flight attendants, based in Houston, and was momentarily severely tempted to go for it, but something about my life here makes me happy, even when I'm a raging ball of pissed off and upset, and I didn't really want to leave. In a way, that's sort of a first for me, because I thought of the people in my life before I went off on another adventure.

Maybe I'm finally growing up. I'm not sure what I think of that.

• Bonus note: Addicted to Criminal Minds.
themegaloo: (DW- Sally Sparrow- don't turn away)
These are things which you know if you follow me on twitter:

• My grandfather died on Sunday and I'm flying out to Texas for the funeral tomorrow. It was incredibly sudden and unexpected and happened in his sleep. I'm okay, I really am. But it's sort of a strange lack of balance. (Not that I was ever very balanced, the amount of bruises I have right now from running into things is really sad.) Just the fact that he always HAS been there, I talked to him like, a week before. He wasn't sick or anything, but he'd had bypass surgery 24 years ago. I'm sad, but I'm not devastated because I'm glad he went quickly and peacefully and was babysitting the night before, because he was always so full of life that I think wasting away would have killed him on an emotional level. He made his mistakes, but he was a good man and he was really happy for the past several years. His wife, Carmen, and he founded and ran a ministry in the Philippines and he'd been sober and happy. You can't help but admire a man who made mistakes, but still found something that made him really happy. These past few years he and my grandmother had even been friendly, which took a long time. I'm going to stop word vomiting about this now because I don't really know what to say about it except the fact that he was my grandfather and I loved him and the world feels a little strange knowing that he's no longer in it.

• I didn't get into the program I wanted at UNC.

Which leaves me at loose ends. I love my job at David's Bridal and I'm good at it and have a lot of fun, but I can't see making it my life. So I don't have a plan anymore, and while I can always reapply for a later term, well. I'm one of those passing believers in karma and sort of think that maybe I didn't get it because I wasn't meant to, and there's something more perfect for me out there.

So, flist, what do you think I should be doing with my life? I'm open to ideas and inspirations!

and really, you guys don't need to respond to the first part of this, I'm really awkward at replying to sympathies and will quickly try to change the subject. I just felt that I couldn't not say something, because it is the major event of my life right now. I know that you are all lovely people. ♥

Amusing sidenotes:

• MY MOTHER NICKED MY RED CARRY-ON. So I'm traveling off balance tomorrow with a blue bag.
• For possibly the first time in six years, I've packed BEFORE the wee hours/morning of my flight. And also did all the little squeezy bottles & compact makeup stuff. ([ profile] angryhamster has seen my primary makeup carrying case and it really is scary.)
• I completed dalek cullen.
• I fail at the internet lately.


Apr. 21st, 2010 09:26 am
themegaloo: (Default)
This is an update for all of you who don't stalk me on twitter/facebook.

I am, in fact, IN DUBLIN. My flight was not canceled, I did the shoddiest packing job of my life as my body conspired against me (being female SUCKS), I made it everywhere I needed to be on time, and did I mention my flight DIDN'T GET CANCELED? It was the third flight to land in Dublin, apparently.

I'm now on [ profile] angryhamster's couch, because she is far too kind and she and her mum MET ME AT THE AIRPORT. Which was very un-busy on the arrivals side. I've seen pictures of the departures side and, well, that looked rather busier. Getting through the passport control is almost always pretty easy for me in Dublin, but today it was so easy it was almost stupid. Minor hang-up with the baggage, but got it in the end and even got my phone up and running again (though I can't figure out my online password for it to save my life, so I'll just top it up from a shop later on.)

themegaloo: (Default)
SO AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, I am meant to be traveling back to Dublin this week for graduation.

As all of you SHOULD KNOW, airspace in the UK&Ireland keeps getting shut down.

As everyone has told me for ages and I frequently disbelieved because *I* had never had an issue, Delta is crap.

I CANNOT figure out if my plane is actually going to get off the ground in New York or not. I'm meant to fly into JFK from Raleigh on Tuesday and then fly from there to Dublin that night, arriving at 10:30am Wednesday morning. Fairly typical, pretty used to it.

But this blasted volcano and its spewing ash all over the place and making air travel downright dangerous is Not Good. See, if this were just a vacation I would shift my schedule about, make big puppy eyes at my bosses, etc. But no, no indeed this is for GRADUATION which is THURSDAY. And yet in my stalking of the internet I keep coming across all the stories of those stranded and thinking my reason less valid because I'm putting myself in a position to get stranded instead of trying to get home to a job, a sick or pregnant relative, a son's wedding, a place where I'm not bankrupting myself for hotel costs, etc. I see all these things on the RTE site of people asking those traveling for pleasure to reschedule and feeling a bit bad because I know I won't. I want to be there, I miss it desperately and this, this right here is my opportunity to go back and DAMNIT, VOLCANO!! AND I NEED TO GRADUATE.

Where's a TARDIS when you need it.

That aside, work's been going well enough but I'm learning what it is to be really LIKED at a job. I'm meant to be part-time, right? Which when I was interviewing was defined for be as being under 35 hours. I've been regularly working close to 40 and actually getting SENT HOME EARLY because they don't do overtime and I need to get out of there before I'm on overtime hours. I've had some really good days lately, thought today was not my best. Felt really weird and tired all day for no apparent reason and it had me all off-balance. Annoying. Also was talking to a coworker today who said she didn't think I was going to make it when I first started because of the scared-shitless expression on my face the first few days. WELL YOU LEFT ME ALONE AT THE FRONT DESK. A position I wasn't trained for and didn't know what to do with because when people called I didn't have the INFORMATION to be competent. Bah. Proved them rather wrong though.


REALLY I just want an answer to all the flight questions, want to know if I'm going over or not. Once I'm THERE I don't care too much about the ease of getting home, I have the day after I (hopefully) get back off and if flights get terribly delayed I'll have no problem in ringing them up and explaining the situation because there will be nothing else I COULD DO should that happen. And I know enough people that I could manage somehow.


August 2012

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