themegaloo: (Default)
So here's the thing.

I cannot stay in this little college town for the rest of my life and actually MAKE something of my life. I've known this for a while, like, since I moved here, but I've been trying to avoid the fact because there are people here (outside of my parents) who I have come to care for (in a non-sexual way) and don't want to leave.

But at the same time, I have to leave, I was always going to leave, and I've stayed far longer than I should have or ever planned to. The school here is all well and good but it literally has nothing for me, and I hate that. This is not where I'm meant to be, and I feel horribly about that, but I have to get out of here, as much as I love the people.

Oh my god, it's actually not my usual need to run. It really isn't. I just can't stay.

Within the next six months I am hoping to move to NEW YORK. When i applied to TCD, I had two back-up plans. One, to apply for a job & work on a cruise ship. That was always a temporary plan and something I could still return to, but I've gotten to where I like having roots & a stable residence, even if it is with my parents. The other option was to go to culinary school and become a pastry chef. Within the next six months, I plan to pursue that second option. NYC is my first choice of places to be for that, though I'm going to put myself further into debt with the government in order to pull it off.

I've gone through several idea of "what I want to do with my life" in the past year and a half, but most of them have been fleeting (one lasted a little longer until I was rejected and in the end determined that it had been for the best). However, the more I think about making this move, the more I want to pursue it. I have dreams to live, and I want to live them for once instead of just dreaming them.

I can't live the rest of my life waiting for the rest of my life to start. So I'm going to stop, and I'm going to make it happen. People need two major thing in life: food for the soul and food for the stomach. I'm going to stop living in a fantasy land where food for the soul can feed my stomach and make delicious things. There's little in life I find as fulfilling as watching someone eat something I've made and be FORCED to smile outside of my own reading. So that, in the end, is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to make people smile. Not a bad life plan, don't you think?

August 2012

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