themegaloo | A few things!

Firstly, I finally remembered the other amusing story I had intended to relate yesterday:

So, for like, ALL OF LAST YEAR, including the summer, I lived on the third floor, backside of the building. Well, back as in "the side not facing campus," because if you're ON that side it would seem to be the front and all, but for simplicity's sake, I'm calling it the backside of the building

Then a few weeks ago I moved to the SECOND floor on the [relative] frontside of the SAME building. [Not sharing space with so many people so it's smaller and I like it <3 Plus my roommate? Completely fabulous. Only awkward point is the ex-boyfriend across the hall who FLEES, apparently, when he seens me. =/]

So yesterday, walking in from class, etc, so on, so forth, dullness, listening to music and then....then I realize I'm five steps from the third floor on the [relative] backside of the building!

So, naturally, I face palm and waltz around the third floor and go down the steps next to my room. I know, it's not a thrilling story in the least, but I know some people will want to taunt me with it at least!

Other Notable Happenings:
1. Look at my previous entry. Look at the number of comments [currently 167]. I have -never in my life- had that many comments to a post in my LJ. Ever. My inbox? It died. I have it going through Thunderbird, checking like, every minute, I believe for that account and I was getting comment notifications in groups of between 4 and 6 every few minutes for a while. I loved it! *amused*
2. I do solemnly swear not to call Matt adorable.
3. Does anyone know where I can find jeans with like, striped [via seams] pant legs?
4. ...brain died. I swear there was more. Why does this always happen to me?! *headdesk*

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Is there any way I can at least make you feel better about it? Something, anything?

But what if I don't know what I want? What if none of us do? Do you really think we can work something out?

Who really can say they know exactly wht the want in life? What's important is that you at least talk to the people who matter and get an idea of it.

And as for whether something could work, yeah. I think you have a shot, but you can't just keep on Not Talking, because that lets resentment build up and all. Maybe you can "have the ebst of both worlds," so to say, but you have to be fair to them both, up-front and honest. You follow?

Mello...no. But you shouldn't worry about me, you should do what you want. It's not my business anyway.

You know, this really isn't going to help you, just letting everything go like this, how you feel is important too.

Sorry for butting in.

What Mello does is up to Mello, not me.

... Do you really think so? I'd like to believe it's possible. I don't want to lose either of them... but I don't want them hurting either. None of us really want to talk about it. But dammit, I'm trying to be fair and I'm sure as hell not lying about anything!

Yeah, yeah, I follow.

Well, of course it is, but he's sitting here trying to make things better, he obviously cares, you obviously matter enough for him to want to do that...so why won't you let him?

He doesn't want to hurt you, but he has, and you just..just turning into jello and taking it, that really doesn't fix anything at all.

It seems that way to me at least. I think there's a definite possibility.

And I can see you don't want to talk about it, that's almost painfully obvious, but it certainly won't work if you don't, you realize.

I'm not not letting him, there's just nothing he can do.

And I'm not just taking it. I want him to be happy. If I'm not enough to make him happy, he's free to find happiness in other people. That's up to him, not me.

What makes you say that?

But what if one of them makes me choose?

The way you and Matt interact. I think with you twoa t least...it could possibly work. I don't know Hitsugaya, so that's really the wild card to me.

And that's just a risk you might have to take. And even if it is the case, is it not better than losing them both because of this unintentional block in communitcation?

But-- do you really think he'd be happy without you in his life too? Don't make that choice for him by pushing him away in his efforts.

But I'm not--! I'm not going anywhere, and I don't want him to either.

Physically, sure you aren't. But emotionally, you're pushing him away. You keep worrying so much about him being happy that you aren't taking into account that part of that happiness is actually focused on you being content and happy as well. And so by not wanting him to worry about you, when his own happiness is intrinsically tied up with yorus, you're blocking him out emotionally.

But I--He--Well what the hell am I supposed to do, then? He's obviously not happy with just me. How can I ask him to choose one of us? ~~And how can I be sure he'd even choose me?~~

... I hope you're right.

It was a series of rather odd coincidences that led to me getting to know him. But it's worth doing. He's... well, I'm biased, so nevermind.

But I'm not ready! I can't choose! And... lose them both... that... I... that would be a disaster. I can't...

I think I need chocolate now. Maybe a lot of chocolate. I'll be back later. Perhaps. ~~When I come out from under the bed or wherever.~~

Maybe it's not that, but more of that he found an unexpected additional happiness with Hitsugaya.

And he doesn't want to choose any more than you want to ask him to.

Could you possibly be content as...not being the only one he was with, but still undeniably important to him and with him? Just as a matter of curiosity.

Of course I'm going to worry about you, idiot! Did you ever stop worrying about me just because I told you to?

But you're unhappy! How can it not be your business? Arrgh! You're so frustrating!

Only time will tell, really.

Don't panic, alright? Just...think things through, talk to them, that's your main thing. You can do this, I really think you can. And I don't think you'll lose them, really I don't, but if, like I said, you keep this Not Talking thing going, it becomes a very real possibility.

And yeah, eat chocolate, good plan.

But...dammit, do you have any idea how it feels to be put in a position like this?

How can I not panic when you suggest something like THAT? Do you have any idea how awful that would be?

It's not like they talk to me either! I have tried repeatedly to get Matt to talk to me about it and he WON'T! I can't FORCE him! So what the hell am I supposed to do?!?

Damn straight it's a good plan.

I've never been there, so I can only imagine what it must be like, and even in my imagination it's a pretty awful feeling.

And I can't imagine it gets any better when you're sitting there, coming up with all these thoughts about what he must be thinking and feeling about this without really knowing.

And as such, I repeat, you lot have got to talk this out.

Well, I dind't say it to make you panic, certainly! I only mentioned it because it is a possibilty, and one you should be aware of. Also, a possibility laced with incentives for you to talk to them and work it out!

Yes, I'd noticed that he's more evasive than jello is from a fork, I guess all I can say to that is don't give up.

I've definitely had conversations where the second part doesn't want to push the issue that really needs to be pushed. He'll talk, eventually.

Well I'm not trying to be! What the hell do you want me to do, Mello? Whine? What the hell is that going to solve?

You don't have to worry about me! I'm fine, dammit!

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