A few things!

[themegaloo]

Firstly, I finally remembered the other amusing story I had intended to relate yesterday:

So, for like, ALL OF LAST YEAR, including the summer, I lived on the third floor, backside of the building. Well, back as in "the side not facing campus," because if you're ON that side it would seem to be the front and all, but for simplicity's sake, I'm calling it the backside of the building

Then a few weeks ago I moved to the SECOND floor on the [relative] frontside of the SAME building. [Not sharing space with so many people so it's smaller and I like it <3 Plus my roommate? Completely fabulous. Only awkward point is the ex-boyfriend across the hall who FLEES, apparently, when he seens me. =/]

So yesterday, walking in from class, etc, so on, so forth, dullness, listening to music and then....then I realize I'm five steps from the third floor on the [relative] backside of the building!

So, naturally, I face palm and waltz around the third floor and go down the steps next to my room. I know, it's not a thrilling story in the least, but I know some people will want to taunt me with it at least!

Other Notable Happenings:
1. Look at my previous entry. Look at the number of comments [currently 167]. I have -never in my life- had that many comments to a post in my LJ. Ever. My inbox? It died. I have it going through Thunderbird, checking like, every minute, I believe for that account and I was getting comment notifications in groups of between 4 and 6 every few minutes for a while. I loved it! *amused*
2. I do solemnly swear not to call Matt adorable.
3. Does anyone know where I can find jeans with like, striped [via seams] pant legs?
4. ...brain died. I swear there was more. Why does this always happen to me?! *headdesk*

Comments

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

But-- do you really think he'd be happy without you in his life too? Don't make that choice for him by pushing him away in his efforts.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But I'm not--! I'm not going anywhere, and I don't want him to either.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Physically, sure you aren't. But emotionally, you're pushing him away. You keep worrying so much about him being happy that you aren't taking into account that part of that happiness is actually focused on you being content and happy as well. And so by not wanting him to worry about you, when his own happiness is intrinsically tied up with yorus, you're blocking him out emotionally.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But I--He--Well what the hell am I supposed to do, then? He's obviously not happy with just me. How can I ask him to choose one of us? And how can I be sure he'd even choose me?

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's not that, but more of that he found an unexpected additional happiness with Hitsugaya.

And he doesn't want to choose any more than you want to ask him to.

Could you possibly be content as...not being the only one he was with, but still undeniably important to him and with him? Just as a matter of curiosity.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But...dammit, do you have any idea how it feels to be put in a position like this?

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

I've never been there, so I can only imagine what it must be like, and even in my imagination it's a pretty awful feeling.

And I can't imagine it gets any better when you're sitting there, coming up with all these thoughts about what he must be thinking and feeling about this without really knowing.

And as such, I repeat, you lot have got to talk this out.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

Talking won't solve anything, though. There's no point to it. It'll just make Mello even more worried than he is, and he doesn't need that.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

...Do you live under a rock? No, really, I mean it. "Talking won't solve anything?" Because your method of evading the issue has been working so well, Matt.

Have you not seen his requests, his almost-pleas for you to talk to him so he has some idea where he stands, what he's doing?

NOT talking to him allows him to imagine the worst. You are obviously not "fine" and he knows you well enough to see that, probably even knows better than you do how far from "fine" you really are about all this, because you scarcely want to admit it to yourself, none the less to him.

Where I was going with that is that not talking makes him worry more, which you're right, he doesn't really need.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

...I don't know whatto do anymore.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Talk to him, honestly. Don't keep repeating you're fine, fine with everything. If you ARE alright with him being with Histugaya in addition to how he is with you, there has to be some sort of...of a set of guidelines, right?

That's really all you can do.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

...And if I'm not completely all right with that?

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Then you certainly have to tell him so, help him see things from your point of view at least.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But if he already knows that then I see no point in bringing it up with him again.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

But does he know? Or does he just have ideas? It really doesn't seem like you've talked about this with him hardly at all. Bringing it back up? Did you ever have a conversation about it that didn't quickly end with you announcing that you're fine?

Because that's obviously not true, he could easily be doubt the validity of other aspects of what you claim is alright.

What do you think of this Hitsugaya? I've never had the chance to meet him.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

He at least has ideas...I don't know. Maybe.

I think...Hitsugaya's a good guy, I guess. I trust him not to hurt Mello, even if he is a shinigami, and I don't think he's a bad influence ot anything. And Mello really likes him, so...he can't be that bad...

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

That right there is reason enough that you need to talk to him, not knowing what he knows about you're feeling on the matter? Not a good sign.

At least you don't hate him then. Because that could be highly awkward. Even more so than it is without it, right?

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But...I don't know...

I think it would be easier if he was a jerk, and if I hated him. At least then I could argue with Mello, but now...I don't have any reason to hate him, but I almost do, and I feel like a jealous idiot.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Talk. To. Him. Or I'll...I'll. I don't know, sic one of the fangirls on you? Erk, I'm not that cruel. But you get the idea, right? Talk to him!

The lines would be more clear-cut, yes, but would you really want the falling-out with Mello that could cause?

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

I still don't know if that would be worth it...

The fact that a shinigami Mello's only known for a month or two could cause a falling-out like that with the only real friend I've had my whole life is...it's a little hurtful, you know. It took years for me to earn his trust, and here's this guy from another world--another realm--who did it in a few fucking weeks. What the hell does that say about us?

Besides, if I asked him to choose I'm really not sure he'd choose me.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

You won't know unless you try. And I'm wagering it will be worth it, after all.

I...yeah. I can definitely see where that resentment comes from. That's really...quite odd, honestly, that he gained that trust so swiftly. But I guess things like that happen sometimes? I don't think that necessarily says anything bad about your relationship with him, more that it's trust based on history and time rather than initial response.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

Why?

Yeah, exactly. If he can do in a few weeks what took me years...what's the point?

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Well, in all the expereience I've had, both first-hand and witnessed, most problems have seemed to stem from when something wasn't said or clearly said...so when talking FINALLY occurred, things could be worked out.

No, not exactly, I'm saying it's a different nature of trust, he trusts Hitsugaya for different reasons than those for which he trusts you, justos he cares for both of for different reasons. You certainly aren't the same person! Also, he's known you longer so he aleady knows what issues he can push, which he can't, what things are your hotbuttons, what you'll agree with...he can't recreate that rapport in a few weeks.

Regardless of how his connection with Hitsgaya came into existance, you will always be important to him, and Hitsugaya can't usurp the specific place you hold is Mello's esteem. That is the point.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

I...but still, I...why does he need two people? Why can't I be enough for him?

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

I really don't think that's it, Matt.

Please talk to him about this?