A few things!

[themegaloo]

Firstly, I finally remembered the other amusing story I had intended to relate yesterday:

So, for like, ALL OF LAST YEAR, including the summer, I lived on the third floor, backside of the building. Well, back as in "the side not facing campus," because if you're ON that side it would seem to be the front and all, but for simplicity's sake, I'm calling it the backside of the building

Then a few weeks ago I moved to the SECOND floor on the [relative] frontside of the SAME building. [Not sharing space with so many people so it's smaller and I like it <3 Plus my roommate? Completely fabulous. Only awkward point is the ex-boyfriend across the hall who FLEES, apparently, when he seens me. =/]

So yesterday, walking in from class, etc, so on, so forth, dullness, listening to music and then....then I realize I'm five steps from the third floor on the [relative] backside of the building!

So, naturally, I face palm and waltz around the third floor and go down the steps next to my room. I know, it's not a thrilling story in the least, but I know some people will want to taunt me with it at least!

Other Notable Happenings:
1. Look at my previous entry. Look at the number of comments [currently 167]. I have -never in my life- had that many comments to a post in my LJ. Ever. My inbox? It died. I have it going through Thunderbird, checking like, every minute, I believe for that account and I was getting comment notifications in groups of between 4 and 6 every few minutes for a while. I loved it! *amused*
2. I do solemnly swear not to call Matt adorable.
3. Does anyone know where I can find jeans with like, striped [via seams] pant legs?
4. ...brain died. I swear there was more. Why does this always happen to me?! *headdesk*

Comments

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

But does he know? Or does he just have ideas? It really doesn't seem like you've talked about this with him hardly at all. Bringing it back up? Did you ever have a conversation about it that didn't quickly end with you announcing that you're fine?

Because that's obviously not true, he could easily be doubt the validity of other aspects of what you claim is alright.

What do you think of this Hitsugaya? I've never had the chance to meet him.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

He at least has ideas...I don't know. Maybe.

I think...Hitsugaya's a good guy, I guess. I trust him not to hurt Mello, even if he is a shinigami, and I don't think he's a bad influence ot anything. And Mello really likes him, so...he can't be that bad...

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

That right there is reason enough that you need to talk to him, not knowing what he knows about you're feeling on the matter? Not a good sign.

At least you don't hate him then. Because that could be highly awkward. Even more so than it is without it, right?

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But...I don't know...

I think it would be easier if he was a jerk, and if I hated him. At least then I could argue with Mello, but now...I don't have any reason to hate him, but I almost do, and I feel like a jealous idiot.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Talk. To. Him. Or I'll...I'll. I don't know, sic one of the fangirls on you? Erk, I'm not that cruel. But you get the idea, right? Talk to him!

The lines would be more clear-cut, yes, but would you really want the falling-out with Mello that could cause?

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

I still don't know if that would be worth it...

The fact that a shinigami Mello's only known for a month or two could cause a falling-out like that with the only real friend I've had my whole life is...it's a little hurtful, you know. It took years for me to earn his trust, and here's this guy from another world--another realm--who did it in a few fucking weeks. What the hell does that say about us?

Besides, if I asked him to choose I'm really not sure he'd choose me.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

You won't know unless you try. And I'm wagering it will be worth it, after all.

I...yeah. I can definitely see where that resentment comes from. That's really...quite odd, honestly, that he gained that trust so swiftly. But I guess things like that happen sometimes? I don't think that necessarily says anything bad about your relationship with him, more that it's trust based on history and time rather than initial response.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

Why?

Yeah, exactly. If he can do in a few weeks what took me years...what's the point?

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Well, in all the expereience I've had, both first-hand and witnessed, most problems have seemed to stem from when something wasn't said or clearly said...so when talking FINALLY occurred, things could be worked out.

No, not exactly, I'm saying it's a different nature of trust, he trusts Hitsugaya for different reasons than those for which he trusts you, justos he cares for both of for different reasons. You certainly aren't the same person! Also, he's known you longer so he aleady knows what issues he can push, which he can't, what things are your hotbuttons, what you'll agree with...he can't recreate that rapport in a few weeks.

Regardless of how his connection with Hitsgaya came into existance, you will always be important to him, and Hitsugaya can't usurp the specific place you hold is Mello's esteem. That is the point.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

I...but still, I...why does he need two people? Why can't I be enough for him?

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

I really don't think that's it, Matt.

Please talk to him about this?

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

I...I don't know, I still think I could say the wrong thing, fuck something up, say something that'll make him leave again...

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

You won't. Because all you have to say is what you feel and think, and you know what that is, don't you? even if they aren't things you want to admit. He'll understand, you just have to trust him not to leave.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

And...if he does?

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

I sincerely doubt he will.

If he does, go after him.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But... *sigh* I don't know. I just...I really don't see how talking will solve anything, but...I don't know. Maybe.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not like Not Talking is doing any better. So it's a different approach, right? Things aren't fine as they are-- I know you're about to pop up and say that. You know they aren't. So a different methond than this Not Talking is needed and Talking is a damn good idea.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

I...fine, maybe, but I just--I--fine. But if this goes to shit I'm pinning the whole fucking thing on you.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

I think that's fair.

Though, if you decide you hate me, I'd miss talking to you. But, fair enough.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything goes well.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I guess. I'll...let you know how it goes.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

I'd appreciate that.

Good luck, Matt.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

...Thanks.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

...Sorry to barge back in, but have you actually talked to him yet?

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

I...no.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

*sighs* Unsurprsing, really. And if I could sit you down with him and glare until you got going, I would. But hey.

And why exactly have you not done so?