Musings

Life lately has been interesting to say the least, so much so that I've hardly found time to update. I simply -haven't- updated, truly. Sorry? I'm alive, though those who tend to worry have likely seen me on AIM or the like. I've kept up with reading my flist, but if you think I might have missed something vital, let me know.

I suppose the major change in my life right now is that I broke up with Steven. Yes, after dating for 3 years, 6 months and a week, I broke up with him. It's a bit of a long story, so if you don't already know, I'd rather just leave it at that. Suffice it to say that I don't love him any less today than I did a month ago, a year ago, or even three and a half years ago, but at the same time, it became something that was no longer what I needed, wanted, could handle.

We're friends. We spent a couple hours earlier just talking. Look, it's possible. It's rather. Uplifting, to see that things I thought unatainable are in fact the opposite. And it's fun to have someone appreciate the poetry I love, who will sit and listen as I babble on about it, not looking to add so much as looking to absorb. Sure, debates are fun, conversation, exchange, all that is well and fine. But I like the relaxation that comes of simply letting the words and thoughts flow from me.

There's time enough for romance later.

I've opened myself up to new ideas, I suppose I've begun to follow what is basically a philosophy of the uncertain. Because nothing truly IS certain, especially not love, not fate, not anything. It's all...unknown. But out of that uncertainty, the present, the actuality, the trust of the moment forms, comes to life. So much more is born from an infinite number of possibilities than could possibly stem from following a set course.

I certainly seem to be making up for lost time here on the updating thing.

Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

I really do enjoy poetry and quotes. I fell in love with that poem this spring, it's the Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot (here)

I've begun to explain my life through my favorite quote. It's intersting, and anyone who truly looks at it, might grow to understand me a bit better. And what's doubly amusing about it is that it's my signature quote on any email, it's listed as my ONLY quote on facebook, and it's my personal quote on OutMinds. Really, I think that says something about me, don't you?

Man is least himself when he speaks in his own person, give him a mask and he'll tell you the truth. Oscar Wilde, naturally.

It's interesting though, because it seems at first glance to be such a simple concept. Part of the reason I use it so often in my internet endeavors is that the internet for me is truly like that mask. I hide in the shadows of annoyminity, but at the same time, I speak truly. It's amazingly applicable. But there's more to it than that. I know that the person I truly am and see when I look at myself in the mirror is never the one any other person in the world will percieve. And yet, it's not hypocracy. I'm not lying to the world, I'm not putting on false shows, I never say anything I don't truly, in my heart of hearts, MEAN. I may put on a different face, you may know me as the quiet, shy bookworm, or you may see me as loud, witty, off-beat, but fundamentally social. You may see me as a know-it-all, or you might be blessed to see my moments of insecurity, but no face is any less honest, for the words I speak, the thought I share, the passions I express, they all remain the same, truth. It's better to hide that outer mask than those ideas, those thoughts, for that is where truth lies- the mind, the heart, the soul. It's an intellectual and passionate thing, the two are not seperable when it comes to Truth. And it's that Truth that in the end, matters.

This is massive.

Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse. [still Prufrock, see above]

It's a question, an overwhelming question, of how I want to live, what I want to do, everything is eternally uncertain, nothing can ever be fully set out the moment before it happens. And I don't dare to presume, presume to predict, to understand, to overly plan. But I do dare to hope, hope for how I hope the wheels of time, of fate, whatever makes the world revolve, for how things will end. That I'll find happiness, that I'll continue in this adoration of literature, this comprehension, this constant analysis. For in indecision, there IS analysis, there must be, even more than in decision.

And o! I have written long enough on my own philosophy, I shan't continue to cite bits of poetry, to form my words, my ideas around them, for I've blathered on too long already!

Instead I'll leave it at this: My birthday's in two weeks and I have tickets to see RENT when it comes to Atlanta. I am beside myself with excitement!

Musings

Life lately has been interesting to say the least, so much so that I've hardly found time to update. I simply -haven't- updated, truly. Sorry? I'm alive, though those who tend to worry have likely seen me on AIM or the like. I've kept up with reading my flist, but if you think I might have missed something vital, let me know.

I suppose the major change in my life right now is that I broke up with Steven. Yes, after dating for 3 years, 6 months and a week, I broke up with him. It's a bit of a long story, so if you don't already know, I'd rather just leave it at that. Suffice it to say that I don't love him any less today than I did a month ago, a year ago, or even three and a half years ago, but at the same time, it became something that was no longer what I needed, wanted, could handle.

We're friends. We spent a couple hours earlier just talking. Look, it's possible. It's rather. Uplifting, to see that things I thought unatainable are in fact the opposite. And it's fun to have someone appreciate the poetry I love, who will sit and listen as I babble on about it, not looking to add so much as looking to absorb. Sure, debates are fun, conversation, exchange, all that is well and fine. But I like the relaxation that comes of simply letting the words and thoughts flow from me.

There's time enough for romance later.

I've opened myself up to new ideas, I suppose I've begun to follow what is basically a philosophy of the uncertain. Because nothing truly IS certain, especially not love, not fate, not anything. It's all...unknown. But out of that uncertainty, the present, the actuality, the trust of the moment forms, comes to life. So much more is born from an infinite number of possibilities than could possibly stem from following a set course.

I certainly seem to be making up for lost time here on the updating thing.

Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

I really do enjoy poetry and quotes. I fell in love with that poem this spring, it's the Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot (here)

I've begun to explain my life through my favorite quote. It's intersting, and anyone who truly looks at it, might grow to understand me a bit better. And what's doubly amusing about it is that it's my signature quote on any email, it's listed as my ONLY quote on facebook, and it's my personal quote on OutMinds. Really, I think that says something about me, don't you?

Man is least himself when he speaks in his own person, give him a mask and he'll tell you the truth. Oscar Wilde, naturally.

It's interesting though, because it seems at first glance to be such a simple concept. Part of the reason I use it so often in my internet endeavors is that the internet for me is truly like that mask. I hide in the shadows of annoyminity, but at the same time, I speak truly. It's amazingly applicable. But there's more to it than that. I know that the person I truly am and see when I look at myself in the mirror is never the one any other person in the world will percieve. And yet, it's not hypocracy. I'm not lying to the world, I'm not putting on false shows, I never say anything I don't truly, in my heart of hearts, MEAN. I may put on a different face, you may know me as the quiet, shy bookworm, or you may see me as loud, witty, off-beat, but fundamentally social. You may see me as a know-it-all, or you might be blessed to see my moments of insecurity, but no face is any less honest, for the words I speak, the thought I share, the passions I express, they all remain the same, truth. It's better to hide that outer mask than those ideas, those thoughts, for that is where truth lies- the mind, the heart, the soul. It's an intellectual and passionate thing, the two are not seperable when it comes to Truth. And it's that Truth that in the end, matters.

This is massive.

Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse. [still Prufrock, see above]

It's a question, an overwhelming question, of how I want to live, what I want to do, everything is eternally uncertain, nothing can ever be fully set out the moment before it happens. And I don't dare to presume, presume to predict, to understand, to overly plan. But I do dare to hope, hope for how I hope the wheels of time, of fate, whatever makes the world revolve, for how things will end. That I'll find happiness, that I'll continue in this adoration of literature, this comprehension, this constant analysis. For in indecision, there IS analysis, there must be, even more than in decision.

And o! I have written long enough on my own philosophy, I shan't continue to cite bits of poetry, to form my words, my ideas around them, for I've blathered on too long already!

Instead I'll leave it at this: My birthday's in two weeks and I have tickets to see RENT when it comes to Atlanta. I am beside myself with excitement!