the stars are back..

gosh, I don't know why I didn't write this when I saw them, but I guess I kinda forgot..but I finally saw the stars shining brightly again. *small smile* it's been so long...I guess that means I'm finally learning to go on with my life, and actualy overcome things, not just bury them so deep. It's kinda of a relief actualy. Now I bet yall are wondering what I'm talking about, sorry but I think this story may be another tear jerker, but I think I finally tell it. Time to begin, but this story, must begin with another one.

Stars. Why do I love them so much? Well, that's not an easy answer to give. In fact I've only told one person, the only friend that actualy ever asked. Raist asked me a while back, so I told him the story. Here we go, I'm finally telling the world, this is really hard.


To make this understandable, I have to start at the very beginning, in elementary school, and at the barn. You see, when I was in elementary school and I knew this girl who would draw pictures of horses everyday and I really started to like the animals, this was in second grade. By third grade I was taking lessons at a nearby barn, and loving it. Sometimes it was a little bit scary, but for a very small person a big horse, are you suprised that I was scared? Well, I became friends with that gal who got me interested, and I thought we'd always be best friends. That friendship meant standing up for eachother and helping eachother...evidently that wasn't how she saw things.
As time went by I loved riding more and more and I actualy made friends with a BOY, yes, a boy, I was still real young and guys had 'cooties' back then, so it was kinda amazing. His name was Joseph. I think one of the main reasons we became so close was the fact that we rode on about the same level, and had birthdays 2 days apart. I was 2 days older than him. =) Well, we were really close. I still remeber chasing him around with a coke threatening to pour it on his head! I also remeber having a birthday where I took a bunch of friends to see the Horse Whisperer, he was the only guy I invited. Well, we would have these grooming competitions to see who could get their horse the cleanest. We kinda split the wins. *grin* I guess we loved riding for the animals, not the sport. We could just spend hours with our horses. I remeber how much he used to love his horse and how we always called him a slow poke cause he would spend 2 hours grooming a day. That was the CLEANEST horse you would ever see!

Well, back to the thing about the stars. One night, it was really cold outside and all the stars were just shining so brightly it was just incredible. We were taking a horse out to his pasture because we knew the fences and area better than almost everybody else. We turned the horse out and then he just glanced up, and told me to look up. I'll always remeber how brightly those stars were shining, they were simple the most beautiful thing you could ever see.
Joseph quit riding almost a year ago now. I still miss him like crazy, it's taken me until just about 2 months ago to pick up a telephone and call him. It was absolute torture to see his empty stall, or tack box. I think I'm finally going to be alright. We moved barns just recently, and now I have a constant reminder of him. His horse, Barney, lives there.

The stars had never shone so brightly since that night, I think it was 3 years ago now, but just a few days ago, they were finally almost as bright, not quite, but the closest I've seen them. I guess I'll always miss, him, and I know I'll always remeber him. Remembering still makes me cry, in fact I have tears in my eyes as I type this.

This year I was in a play that was so close to my heart that it made the role ten times harder to play. My character's brother was leaving for the Vietnam War. One of the things he told her before was 'Look! See how the sky's all full of stars?' It reminded me so much of when Joseph left that I actualy broke down crying in rehearsal. But I have problem of wearing a mask, a mask that hides everything that I hold hidden in my soul. I fear letting myself love someone as much as I loved him, yes, I think I truely loved him. Not nessesarily that romance sort of love, but a love that had me care about him more than anyone else. I think I still do, and always will.

dang, new longest post record I believe. *small smile* I think I feel a bit better now though.

the stars are back..

gosh, I don't know why I didn't write this when I saw them, but I guess I kinda forgot..but I finally saw the stars shining brightly again. *small smile* it's been so long...I guess that means I'm finally learning to go on with my life, and actualy overcome things, not just bury them so deep. It's kinda of a relief actualy. Now I bet yall are wondering what I'm talking about, sorry but I think this story may be another tear jerker, but I think I finally tell it. Time to begin, but this story, must begin with another one.

Stars. Why do I love them so much? Well, that's not an easy answer to give. In fact I've only told one person, the only friend that actualy ever asked. Raist asked me a while back, so I told him the story. Here we go, I'm finally telling the world, this is really hard.


To make this understandable, I have to start at the very beginning, in elementary school, and at the barn. You see, when I was in elementary school and I knew this girl who would draw pictures of horses everyday and I really started to like the animals, this was in second grade. By third grade I was taking lessons at a nearby barn, and loving it. Sometimes it was a little bit scary, but for a very small person a big horse, are you suprised that I was scared? Well, I became friends with that gal who got me interested, and I thought we'd always be best friends. That friendship meant standing up for eachother and helping eachother...evidently that wasn't how she saw things.
As time went by I loved riding more and more and I actualy made friends with a BOY, yes, a boy, I was still real young and guys had 'cooties' back then, so it was kinda amazing. His name was Joseph. I think one of the main reasons we became so close was the fact that we rode on about the same level, and had birthdays 2 days apart. I was 2 days older than him. =) Well, we were really close. I still remeber chasing him around with a coke threatening to pour it on his head! I also remeber having a birthday where I took a bunch of friends to see the Horse Whisperer, he was the only guy I invited. Well, we would have these grooming competitions to see who could get their horse the cleanest. We kinda split the wins. *grin* I guess we loved riding for the animals, not the sport. We could just spend hours with our horses. I remeber how much he used to love his horse and how we always called him a slow poke cause he would spend 2 hours grooming a day. That was the CLEANEST horse you would ever see!

Well, back to the thing about the stars. One night, it was really cold outside and all the stars were just shining so brightly it was just incredible. We were taking a horse out to his pasture because we knew the fences and area better than almost everybody else. We turned the horse out and then he just glanced up, and told me to look up. I'll always remeber how brightly those stars were shining, they were simple the most beautiful thing you could ever see.
Joseph quit riding almost a year ago now. I still miss him like crazy, it's taken me until just about 2 months ago to pick up a telephone and call him. It was absolute torture to see his empty stall, or tack box. I think I'm finally going to be alright. We moved barns just recently, and now I have a constant reminder of him. His horse, Barney, lives there.

The stars had never shone so brightly since that night, I think it was 3 years ago now, but just a few days ago, they were finally almost as bright, not quite, but the closest I've seen them. I guess I'll always miss, him, and I know I'll always remeber him. Remembering still makes me cry, in fact I have tears in my eyes as I type this.

This year I was in a play that was so close to my heart that it made the role ten times harder to play. My character's brother was leaving for the Vietnam War. One of the things he told her before was 'Look! See how the sky's all full of stars?' It reminded me so much of when Joseph left that I actualy broke down crying in rehearsal. But I have problem of wearing a mask, a mask that hides everything that I hold hidden in my soul. I fear letting myself love someone as much as I loved him, yes, I think I truely loved him. Not nessesarily that romance sort of love, but a love that had me care about him more than anyone else. I think I still do, and always will.

dang, new longest post record I believe. *small smile* I think I feel a bit better now though.