themegaloo | ...more fic

Someday, I'll post something else? Ahaha. Reborn this time!

Title: Facebook is for Stalkers
Rated: PG? God I hate ratings. -_-;
Pairing: MukuHiba. Don't ask me what the numbers are.
Prompt by:

dynastic! Who is ♥
Summary: It's MukuHiba facebook stalking, what else do you want from me?!

“Facebook is an invention for herbivores,” he’d said, resisting the urge to stab his tonfa through the computer screen. He’d learned after destroying three that no matter how violently he stabbed, it didn’t make any difference to the people on the other end of the wires.

Later, he’d amended that thought: “Facebook is for herbivores and the people who want to track them down and bite them to death.”

After that, Hibari decided that signing up for facebook might have been one of his best ideas yet.

--

Hibari Kyouya has added you as a friend. You have 0 friends in common.”

Mukuro snickered (kufufufu~) as he clicked the button to accept and popped up the details window. He grimaced as he clicked the checkbox beside “family” and took great pleasure in filling out the box for “other.”

--

There were emails. In his inbox. Emails that had nothing to do with Namimori and everything to do with that website. Emails that should not be there. Emails that were stealing space that should be occupied by the Namimori Times and status updates from the Disciplinary Committee. Carefully worded and formatted emails. Anything else was unacceptable.

And not only because facebook was now broadcasting the fact that he had “met” Rokudo Mukuro by “trying” to kill him and “failing.” It was entirely unacceptable but he had no idea how to make it go away.

And now he had friend requests from “Dino Cavallone” And “LAMBO-SAN BOVINO!!!”

He denied both. They were not his “friends.” This site needed better terminology.

It was calling Rokudo Mukuro his friend. Unacceptable.

But it told him where he lived.

--

Facebook was an herbivorous liar.

He’d gone to Mukuro’s listed address to find a disgustingly nice old woman with far too many cats. Which had attempted to terrorize Hibird. He would have bitten them all to death if there weren’t so many witnesses. Damn public housing.

--

“Hibari Kyouya will bite facebook to death.”

“Kufufufu~,” Mukuro was amused. Lying about his location was an excellent idea. And Hibari hadn’t thought to lie about his own. Not that it was difficult to guess, he had a well-known soft spot for Namimori. He’d make use of that information. Later.

--

“Rokudo Mukuro thinks Hibari Kyouya should be less trusting~.”

He was an herbivore. An annoying herbivore. And he would be bitten to death. Soon. Just as soon as Hibari found a way to get an accurate location out of this “facebook.”

And acquired another monitor.

--

It was three days before he logged in again. He was running out of resources for monitors and this one was big and ugly and might actually hold up to a bit of a beating, or so Kusukabe had stated when he’d supplied it that morning. That didn’t help the fact that it was sinfully ugly, of course, but it was functional. For now.

He had another friend request from “Dino Cavallone” in addition to three more from “Yamamoto Takeshii,” “Sawada Tsunayoshi” and “Reborn.” He accepted the baby and denied the herbivores, also deleting the six messages left by “Dino Cavallone” in his inbox before clicking Mukuro’s profile again.

His status had changed six times in the past three days.

“Rokudo Mukuro is eating ice cream.”
“Rokudo Mukuro is taking a walk around Namimori~.”
“Rokudo Mukuro wonders why that taunt didn’t work.”
“Rokudo Mukuro is stalking Vongola X~.”
“Rokudo Mukuro is naked in the shower ^.~.”
“Rokudo Mukuro might have to track down a sparrow for himself~.”

At this moment, an annoying little box pops up on his screen with the pure intent of annoying him further. Especially since the little box of annoyance has Mukuro’s name and face attached to it.

Mukuro says: Did you get lost, little sparrow~?
You: No.
Mukuro: Ah, you tried to bite the computer, didn’t you~?
You: …No.

Hibari decided this was an herbivorous waste of time and logged out. But not before disabling chat.

--

It was a few days later when Mukuro decided that Hibari had clearly given up on facebook. The chat had been too much for him, short though it was, because he hadn’t attempted contact since. He’d have to take matters into his own hands. But first…

“Rokudo Mukuro is out to do a bit of bird watching~!”

--

Hibari turned off the moniter. He decided he didn’t want to know what that meant. Or why a shiver had just run down his spine. Or why Hibird seemed distressed. Or—

Actually it made perfect sense and he was going to bite a certain Illusionist to death just as soon as he saw fit to expose himself.

Which would hopefully be before he intended to go to sleep. Changing into his night clothes with Mukuro in the room sounded…Well. Uncomfortable.

The hours dragged on. He’s finished all his homework long ago, eaten, watered the little plant in the window, fed Hibird, written out the duties of the Disciplinary Committee for the next three weeks and polished his tonfa. The niggling feeling of being watched hadn’t left and it was time to bathe and change for bed. Sleep was important to the proper running of Namimori. And there was a thing lurking in his bedroom.

“Come out so I can bite you to death and go to sleep.” He didn’t care that he looked insane. He knew his instincts were sound.

“Kufufufu~, no.” The voice was right beside his ear and he swung around, hoping to catch Mukuro with his tonfa.

“Too much exercise before bed won’t help you sleep~.” The voice was on his other side now; he spun, knowing the results would be the same. Unacceptable.

“Then go away and come back in the morning. Where I can see you.” It was difficult to aim a glare at nothing, but Hibari tried his best.

“I think I like it here, Hibari Kyouya~.” Hibari frowned, letting a huff of frustration escape. “Pouting~? How cute! The little bird is frustrated~!”

“I am not bathing with you here. Leave or show yourself. Stop hiding like an herbivore.”

Rokudo Mukuro was sitting on his bed. His bed. He was wrinkling his Namimori sheets. He’s had those custom made and Mukuro was wrinkling them. He lunged.

And Mukuro was in his chair.

“What are you doing.”

“Bird watching~?”

Hibari glared. “Stop.”

“But watching birds playing in birdbaths was always my favorite part~!” Mukuro’s lips twisted into an even wider smirk as sat—no, sprawled in Hibari’s proper desk chair. “Observation in the natural habitat, that’s the first rule, little skylark~.”

“No. You can leave now.”

“Oh, but there’s no fun in that~.” There was a hint of sakura as Mukuro drifted past him, dragging a lazy finger across his jaw. It didn’t affect him now, but the reminder was there. “Not biting today, Hibari Kyouya?”

Hibari turned on his heel and marched to the bathroom.

--

When he returned, Mukuro was sprawled across his bed as though he belonged there. Which he clearly didn’t, his green jacket was clashing with the Namimori sheets.

“Well, that was enlightening~.”

“Get out.”

“Hm~ fine. For now! But don’t forget, I know where you sleep~!” Hibari stood still, waiting for him to leave, which he did, but not until after invading Hibari’s space entirely, pressing—were those lips?!—to his forehead.

Herbivore. Herbivore emotions and actions and. Frustrating, sneaky herbivore. He’d be bitten to death—Hibari covered his mouth as he yawned, it’s polite—he’d be bitten to death in the morning.

--

It was a good thing he hadn’t checked facebook.

“Hibari Kyouya looks good naked~.”
“Rokudo Mukuro likes the way Hibari bites~.”

--

A few days later (when he decided to brave facebook again, no good of it had some so far), he amended his thought one last time: Facebook was, in fact, an invention for herbivores.

-fin-