Sorry for the back-to-back posts...
Jul. 27th, 2005 10:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
themegalooThe topic of my menstrual cycle in my last entry made me snicker for the poor males that read this. And them made me remember this completely hysterical article we read in my Comp II class. And I went and found it. Because I wanted to share the hilarity of it with you all. And maybe well, make the guys comprehend what girls go through? Sorta? Haha. At anyrate..
If Men Could Menstruate
by Gloria Steinem
A white minority of the world has spent centuries conning us into thinking that a white skin makes people superior - even though the only thing it really does is make the more subject to ultraviolet rays and to wrinkles. Male human beings have built whole cultures around the idea that penis envy is "natural" to women - though having such an unprotected organ might be said to make men vulnerable, and the power to give birth makes womb envy at least as logical.
In short, the characteristics of the powerful, whatever they may be, are thought to be better than the characteristics of the powerless - and logic has nothing to do with it.
What would happen, for instance, if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not?
The answer is clear - menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event:
Men would brag about how long and how much.
Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.
Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.
Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. (Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammad Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads.)
Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("men-struation") as proof that only men could serve in the Army ("you have to give blood to take blood"), occupy political office ("can women be aggressive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planet Mars?"), be priest and ministers ("how could a woman give her blood for our sins?") or rabbis ("without the monthly loss of impurities, women remain unclean").
Male radicals, left-wing politicians, mystics, however, would insist that women are equal, just different, and that any woman could enter their ranks if she were willing to self-inflict a major wound every month ("you MUST give blood for the revolution"), recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues, or subordinate her selfness to all men in their Cycle of Enlightenment. Street guys would brag ("I'm a three pad man") or answer praise from a buddy ("Man, you lookin' good!") by giving fives and saying, "Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!" TV shows would treat the subject at length. ("Happy Days": Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he has missed two periods in a row.) So would newspapers. (SHARK SCARE THREATENS MENSTRUATING MEN. JUDGE CITES MONTHLY STRESS IN PARDONING RAPIST.) And movies. (Newman and Redford in "Blood Brothers"!)
Men would convince women that intercourse was more pleasurable at "that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself - though probably only because they needed a good menstruating man.
Of course, male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguments. How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics, or measurement, for instance, without that in-built gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets - and thus for measuring anything at all? In the rarefied fields of philosophy and religion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe? Or for their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month?
Liberal males in every field would try to be kind: the fact that "these people" have no gift for measuring life or connecting to the universe, the liberals would explain, should be punishment enough.
And how would women be trained to react? One can imagine traditional women agreeing to all arguments with a staunch and smiling masochism. ("The ERA would force housewives to wound themselves every month": Phyllis Schlafly. "Your husband's blood is as sacred as that of Jesus - and so sexy, too!": Marabel Morgan.) Reformers and Queen Bees would try to imitate men, and pretend to have a monthly cycle. All feminists would explain endlessly that men, too, needed to be liberated from the false idea of Martian aggressiveness, just as women needed to escape the bonds of menses envy. Radical feminist would add that the oppression of the nonmenstrual was the pattern for all other oppressions ("Vampires were our first freedom fighters!") Cultural feminists would develop a bloodless imagery in art and literature. Socialist feminists would insist that only under capitalism would men be able to monopolize menstrual blood . . . .
In fact, if men could menstruate, the power justifications could probably go on forever.
If we let them.
And on the subject of showers...Soap is damn slippery. I dropped it TWICE. Brand new bar. And it now has dents all in it.
And then again on the subject of snot and stuffy noses...
What did people do before they had hankies and tissues? BEcause, seriously. Snotty fingers are kinda gross. As I was taking my shower (I think a lot in there), I sneezed. And snot goes like, everywhere. So I wipe my snotty face off with my hand, then rinse it in the water. And you know what? That is a helluva lot less painful that blowing my nose on crinkly toilet paper..or even blowing it on a tissue. Unless it's a very, very nice tissue with lotion and such in it of course. But then- you get lotiony fingers and nose. And that feels a bit...weird?
So, what I concluded, is that before there were hankies, people blew their noses on their hands and then rinsed said hand in a bucket of water.
And then it occured to me, what if someone then drank that water? Um, EWWWW NASTY SNOT WATER. And I've now decided that nasty snot water was the catalyst for the invention of the hanky.
I used to have a real, cloth hanky. It was white with red stitched flowers and was quite pretty. I think I killed it with my 'snot of doom' though. I mean, a hanky can only survive so many winters with a pollen-allergic-obsessive child. Who hates the feel of a snotty nose. Still does, really.
In middle school/high school, I'd haul a box of tissues with me like, everywhere. So for Chistmas one year, someone gave me a box of tissues (We were doing gag gifts). I was known as 'Rudolph' whenever I had a cold because I would blow my nose til it turned red, and then would still blow it because I still couldn't breathe..
And I'm sure I've disturbed you all. So I'm going to shut up now. I'm just sincerely bored and thought I'd go ramble...Haha.
And I think the icon suits. What *mature* person rambles on about snot, for heaven's sake? *smirks* As does the mood icon. I swear I'm not smoking anything. Honest. Especially not gillyweed.
by Gloria Steinem
A white minority of the world has spent centuries conning us into thinking that a white skin makes people superior - even though the only thing it really does is make the more subject to ultraviolet rays and to wrinkles. Male human beings have built whole cultures around the idea that penis envy is "natural" to women - though having such an unprotected organ might be said to make men vulnerable, and the power to give birth makes womb envy at least as logical.
In short, the characteristics of the powerful, whatever they may be, are thought to be better than the characteristics of the powerless - and logic has nothing to do with it.
What would happen, for instance, if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not?
The answer is clear - menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event:
Men would brag about how long and how much.
Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.
Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.
Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. (Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammad Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads.)
Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("men-struation") as proof that only men could serve in the Army ("you have to give blood to take blood"), occupy political office ("can women be aggressive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planet Mars?"), be priest and ministers ("how could a woman give her blood for our sins?") or rabbis ("without the monthly loss of impurities, women remain unclean").
Male radicals, left-wing politicians, mystics, however, would insist that women are equal, just different, and that any woman could enter their ranks if she were willing to self-inflict a major wound every month ("you MUST give blood for the revolution"), recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues, or subordinate her selfness to all men in their Cycle of Enlightenment. Street guys would brag ("I'm a three pad man") or answer praise from a buddy ("Man, you lookin' good!") by giving fives and saying, "Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!" TV shows would treat the subject at length. ("Happy Days": Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he has missed two periods in a row.) So would newspapers. (SHARK SCARE THREATENS MENSTRUATING MEN. JUDGE CITES MONTHLY STRESS IN PARDONING RAPIST.) And movies. (Newman and Redford in "Blood Brothers"!)
Men would convince women that intercourse was more pleasurable at "that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself - though probably only because they needed a good menstruating man.
Of course, male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguments. How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics, or measurement, for instance, without that in-built gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets - and thus for measuring anything at all? In the rarefied fields of philosophy and religion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe? Or for their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month?
Liberal males in every field would try to be kind: the fact that "these people" have no gift for measuring life or connecting to the universe, the liberals would explain, should be punishment enough.
And how would women be trained to react? One can imagine traditional women agreeing to all arguments with a staunch and smiling masochism. ("The ERA would force housewives to wound themselves every month": Phyllis Schlafly. "Your husband's blood is as sacred as that of Jesus - and so sexy, too!": Marabel Morgan.) Reformers and Queen Bees would try to imitate men, and pretend to have a monthly cycle. All feminists would explain endlessly that men, too, needed to be liberated from the false idea of Martian aggressiveness, just as women needed to escape the bonds of menses envy. Radical feminist would add that the oppression of the nonmenstrual was the pattern for all other oppressions ("Vampires were our first freedom fighters!") Cultural feminists would develop a bloodless imagery in art and literature. Socialist feminists would insist that only under capitalism would men be able to monopolize menstrual blood . . . .
In fact, if men could menstruate, the power justifications could probably go on forever.
If we let them.
And on the subject of showers...Soap is damn slippery. I dropped it TWICE. Brand new bar. And it now has dents all in it.
And then again on the subject of snot and stuffy noses...
What did people do before they had hankies and tissues? BEcause, seriously. Snotty fingers are kinda gross. As I was taking my shower (I think a lot in there), I sneezed. And snot goes like, everywhere. So I wipe my snotty face off with my hand, then rinse it in the water. And you know what? That is a helluva lot less painful that blowing my nose on crinkly toilet paper..or even blowing it on a tissue. Unless it's a very, very nice tissue with lotion and such in it of course. But then- you get lotiony fingers and nose. And that feels a bit...weird?
So, what I concluded, is that before there were hankies, people blew their noses on their hands and then rinsed said hand in a bucket of water.
And then it occured to me, what if someone then drank that water? Um, EWWWW NASTY SNOT WATER. And I've now decided that nasty snot water was the catalyst for the invention of the hanky.
I used to have a real, cloth hanky. It was white with red stitched flowers and was quite pretty. I think I killed it with my 'snot of doom' though. I mean, a hanky can only survive so many winters with a pollen-allergic-obsessive child. Who hates the feel of a snotty nose. Still does, really.
In middle school/high school, I'd haul a box of tissues with me like, everywhere. So for Chistmas one year, someone gave me a box of tissues (We were doing gag gifts). I was known as 'Rudolph' whenever I had a cold because I would blow my nose til it turned red, and then would still blow it because I still couldn't breathe..
And I'm sure I've disturbed you all. So I'm going to shut up now. I'm just sincerely bored and thought I'd go ramble...Haha.
And I think the icon suits. What *mature* person rambles on about snot, for heaven's sake? *smirks* As does the mood icon. I swear I'm not smoking anything. Honest. Especially not gillyweed.
