A few things!

[themegaloo]

Firstly, I finally remembered the other amusing story I had intended to relate yesterday:

So, for like, ALL OF LAST YEAR, including the summer, I lived on the third floor, backside of the building. Well, back as in "the side not facing campus," because if you're ON that side it would seem to be the front and all, but for simplicity's sake, I'm calling it the backside of the building

Then a few weeks ago I moved to the SECOND floor on the [relative] frontside of the SAME building. [Not sharing space with so many people so it's smaller and I like it <3 Plus my roommate? Completely fabulous. Only awkward point is the ex-boyfriend across the hall who FLEES, apparently, when he seens me. =/]

So yesterday, walking in from class, etc, so on, so forth, dullness, listening to music and then....then I realize I'm five steps from the third floor on the [relative] backside of the building!

So, naturally, I face palm and waltz around the third floor and go down the steps next to my room. I know, it's not a thrilling story in the least, but I know some people will want to taunt me with it at least!

Other Notable Happenings:
1. Look at my previous entry. Look at the number of comments [currently 167]. I have -never in my life- had that many comments to a post in my LJ. Ever. My inbox? It died. I have it going through Thunderbird, checking like, every minute, I believe for that account and I was getting comment notifications in groups of between 4 and 6 every few minutes for a while. I loved it! *amused*
2. I do solemnly swear not to call Matt adorable.
3. Does anyone know where I can find jeans with like, striped [via seams] pant legs?
4. ...brain died. I swear there was more. Why does this always happen to me?! *headdesk*

Comments

[chocomachinegun.livejournal.com]

Matt...

You didn't filter it... and it's not like this is the first time I've read this journal. Surely you knew it was possible. But I'm sorry. I'll leave this thread again if you want me to.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

Mello...

What do you want me to say? It's not like anything I do will change your mind about Hitsugaya, and I don't...I don't want to, not if he makes you happy...So what, then?

[chocomachinegun.livejournal.com]

I don't know, dammit! But I still love you and want to be with you, too! And I hate seeing you hurt and unhappy! I want... you deserve to be happy.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

Well so do you! And if that means being with a shinigami too, well...then you should. I have no right to interfere in that.

[chocomachinegun.livejournal.com]

Is there any way I can at least make you feel better about it? Something, anything?

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

Mello...no. But you shouldn't worry about me, you should do what you want. It's not my business anyway.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

You know, this really isn't going to help you, just letting everything go like this, how you feel is important too.

Sorry for butting in.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

What Mello does is up to Mello, not me.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Well, of course it is, but he's sitting here trying to make things better, he obviously cares, you obviously matter enough for him to want to do that...so why won't you let him?

He doesn't want to hurt you, but he has, and you just..just turning into jello and taking it, that really doesn't fix anything at all.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

I'm not not letting him, there's just nothing he can do.

And I'm not just taking it. I want him to be happy. If I'm not enough to make him happy, he's free to find happiness in other people. That's up to him, not me.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

But-- do you really think he'd be happy without you in his life too? Don't make that choice for him by pushing him away in his efforts.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But I'm not--! I'm not going anywhere, and I don't want him to either.

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Physically, sure you aren't. But emotionally, you're pushing him away. You keep worrying so much about him being happy that you aren't taking into account that part of that happiness is actually focused on you being content and happy as well. And so by not wanting him to worry about you, when his own happiness is intrinsically tied up with yorus, you're blocking him out emotionally.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But I--He--Well what the hell am I supposed to do, then? He's obviously not happy with just me. How can I ask him to choose one of us? And how can I be sure he'd even choose me?

[themegaloo.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's not that, but more of that he found an unexpected additional happiness with Hitsugaya.

And he doesn't want to choose any more than you want to ask him to.

Could you possibly be content as...not being the only one he was with, but still undeniably important to him and with him? Just as a matter of curiosity.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

But...dammit, do you have any idea how it feels to be put in a position like this?

[chocomachinegun.livejournal.com]

Of course I'm going to worry about you, idiot! Did you ever stop worrying about me just because I told you to?

But you're unhappy! How can it not be your business? Arrgh! You're so frustrating!

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

Well I'm not trying to be! What the hell do you want me to do, Mello? Whine? What the hell is that going to solve?

You don't have to worry about me! I'm fine, dammit!

[chocomachinegun.livejournal.com]

You could talk to me? Tell me what you want, what you don't, what you can live with? Try to help me make it better for you? Shit, Matt, I don't know any more about this than you do, but I goddamn well want to make it work!

Uh-huh. Just like I'm perfectly fine and you don't worry about me at all. Right.

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

And if you don't agree with me? It'll only make the problem worse, and I'd rather things just...go on like they are. I'm all right--I really am. I'll probably never get used to Hitsugaya, but...that's all right. There's nothing you can do to fix that, and I'd never make you choose, so...relax, all right?

[chocomachinegun.livejournal.com]

You don't think we could work out a compromise or, I don't know, something? Does it have to only be that you tell me what you want and if I don't like it, that's it?

You've never even met him! You might like him if you did...

But... you... I don't want to choose, dammit! But I don't like you being miserable, either! Do you think I can't see that you are, at least a lot of the time?

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

That's not the problem though, Mello. I know you won't like it, and I don't want to ask you to change things for me, so what's the point?

I don't think I would. Not anything like you do, anyway.

Would you...If I...nevermind

[chocomachinegun.livejournal.com]

But I... is it really better for you to be unhappy? I don't want or like that, either!

You'll never know if you don't at least meet him. It might be good if you two could at least be friends.

Would I, if you... what? Don't just stop like that! What were you going to say?

[popcornlasers.livejournal.com]

Maybe. I don't know. I'm not that unhappy, Mello, really. I'll be okay.

I...don't think that's possible, Mello, I really don't. I'm sorry, I just don't...what makes you think he would even want to be friends with me? I just can't see that working.

Nothing, Mello. Really, nothing.

[chocomachinegun.livejournal.com]

I'm still worried about you, you know.

And why not? You're a great guy; why would anyone not want to be friends with you?